I have to say that I felt frustrated and agitated for days after watching this documentary. It sickens me to see what we are doing to this planet for essentially what is greed for power and money and the necessity to maintain our extravagant consumption.

To be honest, I am not worried about Gaia Mother Earth. She will be fine. She will bounce back once we are all gone. She has been and IS bouncing back. Somethings gotta give. The more we infect her with our viral ways, the harder her immune system will fight to make her healthy again. Tsunamis, eruptions, crazy weather patterns, earthquakes. It is not her that I am worried about, but rather the human race. It is not the planet we are destroying; we are destroying ourselves.

In the documentary, it is said that the extraction process of natural gas through hydraulic fracturing produces MORE emissions than the emissions produced from the cars that use that same gas. We often talk about converting our vehicles from natural gas to electric powered as a sort of solution to emission problems. A noble attempt. However, my opinion about this is that a shift to electric powered cars is really just a bandage solution to the whole problem. The electric powered car is only green in as long as there are only a few who actually have them. But I question; what if everyone had these cars? Does that really help the environment? We feel like we are doing ‘something for the environment’ but the question I would like to pose is where are we getting this electricity for all these cars? Currently, the emissions from power production plants are just as bad if not worse than the actual emissions from cars. However, the average person doesn’t really think about that. Out of sight, out of mind. That is why we think having electric powered cars is a solution because it is something we have access to and can see. So, I challenge that having electric powered cars is ONLY a solution if we change where that electricity comes from. Currently, a large part of electricity produced in Canada comes from coal, oil, natural gas (all VERY big contributors to toxic emissions, let alone their extraction processes) and nuclear. So, if we continue to supply electricity the way we are doing it, then I shudder to think what the emissions will be like.

I don’t know what the answer is. I am voicing my frustration and concern for what is happening on our planet, but I don’t have the perfect answer. I too am part of the problem (as I type on my computer powered by electricity, sitting in my overheated apartment, with my Toyota Camry parked outside).

We need to change our ways and the way we do things. We need to change our consumption habits.
We need to shift our priorities away from “I want…” to “We need…” We need to shift our societal priorities away from consumerism, idol worship of fame and fortune and self-absorption to sustainability, fairness, consciousness and concern for everyone and everything around us. We need to redefine what it means to be successful. Perhaps success should not be about how much we have, but rather about how much we give and who we are.

Like I said, I don’t have the answers. It requires a lot of people to come together and come up with some solutions. Science working with philosophy. Politics working with planetary consciousness. Awareness is a start. That is what I am hoping for at least….awareness.

Map of Toronto

This weekend, I had this amazing experience driving through Toronto. I felt like an observer open to witnessing all these amazingly peculiar idiosyncrasies about my city. I felt like I was watching this incredible musical as I drove along, watching each odd character enter the scene, acting their role against the backdrop of a gray day of about 13 degrees Celcius, rhythmic rain and the concrete jungle of the city. I loved every moment as I watched from my front row seat behind the wheel of my Toyota Camry as the scene in front of me unfolded. It made me love Toronto even more that day for its beautiful diversity.

The characters and backdrop that unfolded as I drove through the city:

Act 1:
Scene opens in the Junction neighbourhood of Toronto. While I stopped at a red light, I looked to my right and saw this goth/punk looking man covered head to toe in black, wearing a shirt with the arms cut off. He had spider web tattoos up both arms, piercings in his lips and eyebrows. His hair was shaved along the sides of his head, but he had a mohawk with long dreadlocks cascading from the top. Standing beside him was a Muslim woman wearing a hijab head scarf, dressed appropriately in a fleece jacket for the 13 degree weather, eating a popsicle. They crossed the street together in front of me. The light turned green and I continued to drive. As I drove along, I saw a white van covered entirely in sea shells that had been glued all over its exterior. End scene.

Act 2:
Scene opens in the Little Italy neighbourhood of Toronto. As I was driving along, I glanced to my right and almost as if in slow motion, saw a man in a cowboy hat lift his right leg in an exaggerated circular motion and, in what he probably (mistakenly) thought was a discrete manner, scratch ‘his manhood’. End scene.

Act 3:
Scene opens in the Chinatown neighbourhood of Toronto. After driving through Little Italy and passing the Kensington Market area, I made a right onto Spadina Road. I passed by Toronto’s home of the blues, Grossman’s Tavern whose exterior is a kaleidoscope of psychedelic pastel pink and green.

Grossman's Tavern

As I drove along Spadina into Chinatown, I saw the usual bustling fruit stands selling exotic fruit and Chinese fair. What drew my attention though was the elderly asian women sitting on her milk crate selling her vegetables on the sidewalk. She wore a fleece top swirled with blotches of purple and white and a straw sunhat. End scene.

Act 4:
Scene opens in the Liberty Village neighbourhood of Toronto. After having a lovely dinner at a friend’s home with her husband and adorable 2 year old daughter, who by the way knows the word ‘dizzy’, we decided to partake in some of the Nuit Blanche festivities and head to Liberty Village. We stumbled upon this really weird ‘exhibit’ (and I use this word very loosely) that was being held in a gym in a loft space that had been converted into this pretentious fashion event/market selling custom jewelery. As we entered, we were given our ‘swag bag’, mine containing a bottle of Glamour Queen hairspray. The whole thing was very surreal and did not really, in my opinion, capture the essence of what Nuit Blanche is supposed to be about, a celebration of contemporary art. As we walked around, we saw various statuesque, lanky, moody, sullen looking models in various forms of dress and undress. For me, the most interesting and beautiful thing about the whole ‘exhibit’ was this women and her husband who refreshingly did not really fit into the scene (she was actually helpful and had a smile on her face) selling her incredible handmade contemporary art-looking scarves. We left fairly quickly from this ‘exhibit’ and later went to another exhibit where a participant would stand on a circular platform with motion sensors around its circumference. A few feet away from the platform was a ring of canisters connected to propane tanks. When the person would wave their hands or feet over the sensors, 7 foot flames of fire would shoot out vertically from the canister and surround them. Very cool. End scene.

All this was just one day in the production that I witnessed!

Artwork by Louise Hoyle, Loonar Designs, 0208 8402 0330.

A little while ago, I went to see the movie Eat, Pray, Love and although I thought the movie itself was ‘alright’, I did walk away with a few quotes that really inspired me.

One of those quotes was:

The Divine is Me, as Me.

I found this quote to be so magnificently simple, yet profoundly complex at the same time. What it tells me is that there is no ‘godly’ standard that we need to live up to or become to be accepted by the creator. God/Goddess/Higher Power/the Universe/insert-whatever-your-faith-calls-you-to-insert-here created each and every one of us perfectly imperfect. So often, we believe we should be something else in order to be ‘good’ or ‘perfect’ or ‘worthy’. We need to have the perfect diet, the perfect meditation regime, the perfect exercise regime or the perfect spiritual practice to be (ironically) balanced. However, this quote explains that who I am, exactly as I am, is divine. What each one of us has to contribute to this world, infused with all our ‘imperfections’ and idiosyncrasies, is divine. We don’t need to strive to be something else or someone else because who we are is perfection.

So now I come to the moment. I am currently working at Transformational Arts College of Spiritual and Holistic Training. However, six years ago I actually studied at the College in their Spiritual Psychotherapy and Spiritual Director programs. As part of the Spiritual Director studies, our class had to create a year-end ritual and some kind of alter as an offering to remain at the school once our class was over. Today, while at work, I walked into the room where our alter offering was to make a cup of tea (that is where the kettle is). As I waited for my water to boil, I walked over to the alter and studied it, eventually placing my gaze onto the object that I contributed to that alter six years ago. My offering to the alter was a copy of the photo I inserted into this article. I had placed it in a wooden frame that I had painted orange and at the time I wrote words around the frame that came to me in a moment of inspiration. Those words that I repeated over and over around that frame six years ago were “The Divine is me.” Right there, I had an ‘ah-ha’ moment and actually let out a little gasp.

You see, that quote that I connected to in the movie, that really inspired me, enough so that I have been thinking about it for weeks and that I am now writing a blog about, was actually a little piece of wisdom that I had inside me all this time. Those words came to me six years ago. I am grateful that this movie recently brought them back into my consciousness and even more grateful that the universe reminded me today that those divinely inspired words were already inside me.

The Divine is Me, as Me. Couldn’t say it better myself.

photo by Simon Howden

Image: Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

***********************************

I recently went to see the movie Eat, Pray, Love. I actual have mixed feeling about the film as a cinematic achievement. As it usually goes, I really did like the book better. However, I did feel that there were a few sparkling moments in the film that I walked away with. More specifically, there were three quotes that really impacted me and caused a lot of reflection. As they came up in the movie, I sat there thinking, “Oh! I need to remember that one!” Then, as soon as the lights came up, I scrabbled for a pen and piece of paper and wrote down the three pearls of wisdom before I forgot them. Since then, I have been contemplating them, letting them sink into my being and trying to see what insight they can give me into my own life. One of these inspirational quotes was:

Don’t let anyone love you less than you love yourself.

When I first thought about this statement what became clear to me was that there are two parts to look at here. The first part requires me to ask and honestly answer the question, ‘How much do I truly love and value myself?’ Then, in the second part I ask myself, ‘How do I let others treat me?’ Do I let other people treat me in a way that I feel is less than I deserve? What do I put up with in my life when it comes to the relationships around me? What am I settling for? And if I truly do answer the first question about loving myself, is that person in my life loving me enough?

Often, what happens to me in relationships (particularly romantic ones) is that I forget about me entirely! So much ‘love’ is focused on the other person and their needs that I forget that I have needs as well. Then, when I eventually wake up and realize ‘Hey, what about me??’ I am filled with resentment and anger. The truth is, though, I let it all happen. So, I think, I need to ask this question, ‘Hey, what about me??’ not to the other person, but rather to myself.

When I was recently having a discussion with someone about this quote, he pointed out another way of looking at it to me as well. He suggested that when we are in love (and here I am talking about that ‘healthy’ kind of love, not the dysfunctional, co-dependent kind) we do love the other person more than we love ourselves. At the same time, the other person is feeling the same way. So, you are both actually mirroring that love to each other. As you are in this healthy, functional relationship with the other, they show you that you actually are more lovable than you believe yourself to be, which in turn helps you to develop more love for yourself, which consequently raises your love-for-self bar. So, essentially, these two people have a magnifying effect on each other, where the love for the other and the love for self just keeps growing and growing. Beautiful idea this domino effect of expanding love. I have yet to personally experience it, at least in the healthy functional way, but I have faith that it is real and truly does exists.

So what does all this boil down to? We need to love ourselves and then we can actually know if we are getting the love we deserve. We, then, can fully and unconditionally love someone else AND fully accept the love that they give us in return. Love for others. Love for self. Love. In the immortal words of Mr. Lennon and Mr. McCartney, “All we need is love.”

Gina as Jazzy Can-can girl

I recently was thinking about my life and my romantic relationships (or perhaps lack thereof) and extracted this parallel to dance.

I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I am a pretty good dancer. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I am pretty flexibility? Perhaps the 9 years of jazz classes I took as a child (from 4 years old to 13 years old). Needless to say, I have rhythm and can shake my groove thing or booty (or whatever colloquial word or phrase you would like to insert here).

Here I am, this girl that can dance really really well by herself. However, put me in a partnership and I freeze up, get all awkward and this extraverted girl starts closing up! All of a sudden, I fumble, I am looking at my feet, I feel uncomfortable with this man that is holding me, trying not to look into his eyes, yet still trying to carry on a respectable conversation. And what’s all this business about the man leading?? NO man is going to lead me anywhere! I realized that dancing with a partner, I am terrible.

So what does all this mean? I am great alone, bad with a partner.

Recently, however, I have come to believe that my initial thinking was flawed. You see you actually need someone who knows how to dance the steps with you. I have often blamed myself for not ‘being healed enough’ or somehow too flawed to be in a stable, committed relationship. I took on all the responsibility for the routine that went bad, the missed cues, the feet that got stepped on. I would (somehow) forget that there are two people dancing in this partnership and that I am not responsible for the whole dance recital.

I remembered back to when I was living in London, UK and I had a couple of house parties. At the time, I did not know how to dance not even a step of salsa. However, again, being someone who knew how to ‘shake her groove thing’, I was up for the challenge when one of my Colombian male students (I was teaching English as a second language at the time) grabbed me and started twirling me around my kitchen. Boy, did he know how to dance salsa! And funnily enough, so did I…because I had a good partner and because I WAS A GOOD PARTNER.

So, recently I realized that I am a great dancer (literally and figuratively!) and that I need to find that person that can dance with me to our own beat. Sometimes, when we don’t know the steps we need someone else who knows them really really well to guide us. And sometimes the other person doesn’t know the steps and you have to pick up the slack and lead. That is the dance of relationships. It takes two to tango, two to dance the steps and two willing to trust the other partner enough to lead and to be lead.

Tango anyone?

I am the Wind.

The breeze that gently caresses and cools your cheeks
as you sit on the grass with your eyes closed and your head thrown back,
feeling the warm rays of sun ripple over your face.

The current that sensually dances and twirls around you,
joyously flowing to mother earth’s heartbeat
as magic happens and the world dances with her.

The gale force that so powerfully commands the ocean
and crashes its waves helplessly against the rocky shore,
persistent and strong in her efforts,
stubborn to let go.

The exotic Levanter that whirls across the desert
and travels around the globe,
creating and destroying her ever-changing mountains as she goes.

The strong hurricane that explodes with a relentless force,
frightening and fascinating,
commanding her space and owning her place in this world.

The Chinook that warms your hesitant heart
with a smile that exudes authenticity
and a laugh that invites you to play.

The gust that throws up the leaves excitedly,
dynamic and spontaneous,
embodying joy as she creates with nature’s paintbox.

I am everywhere. I am everything.
I am the wind.

FlameOz - Linz - Stunning Gracie Headbalance: Courtesy of Flame Oz

On this wonderful Sunday, with the sun beating down and not a cloud in the sky, I went to the Toronto Buskerfest. I saw a number of very good acts, but by far the best one was a circus/pyrotechnic group called Flame Oz. It consisted of three women and two men who dazzled and captivated the audience (based on the reactionary sounds escaping from the viewers) with their fire tricks and acrobatics.

Bad jokes (admittedly by the guy who did most of the talking for the group) and usual busker silliness aside, for me, there was actually a spiritual component to the show. Some of the music was very eastern inspired. As well, the act that the three women performed seemed to have Indian influences and a sort of yoga tranquility about it, all while balancing fire sticks on their heads! As well, another set had some martial arts influence. They opened the whole thing with one of the guys doing tricks where he balanced and moved a crystal ball around his body, eventually adding additional balls until, at one point, he was balance 6 of them! What I found fascinating about his act was how the crystal balls almost seems suspended in air or seemed to be floating at times.

At the very least, it was a very entertaining show. However, for me, it was a reminder to live the life you want to live. This troop travels around the world and buskers for a living. Some would think that is exciting. Many would think it is impractical and crazy. What?! You throw fire for a living? You EAT fire for a living? For me, it is enchanting, courageous and about embracing possibility AND that spark that drives you. I found the act to be inspiring.

At the end of the show, when they passed around their hat to collect donations, if you gave them $10 they gifted you with a CD that had a collection of photos, some music and bios on the performers. I took the CD home and had a quick look and found it ‘coincidental’ that 2 or 3 of them live on the street where I have stayed with a very good friend of mine many times on my trips to London, UK. Literally, a few doors down. Who knows, perhaps I passed them on the street or bumped into them on the tube. Just a possibility.

Anything is possible.

You were too loud. You were too quiet. You sounded too pushy. You were too weak. She doesn’t like you. He doesn’t like you. You look desperate and needy. You seem aloof and distant. You are stupid. You have no talent. You are too old for this. You are too ugly. You are too fat. You spoke too much. You didn’t speak enough. You didn’t listen enough. You are not good enough. You are not good enough. You are NOT good enough.

You see, I can never win against that voice; that inner critic inside me that, in a very sadistic way, is trying to protect me. Protect me from what?…being hurt…life…myself? So, what is one to do about this? I find the more I try to fight it, the louder it gets. Perhaps it requires an embrace. Perhaps acceptance. I find when I write or talk about it and actually give ‘it’ a voice, it can be released. It is kind of like a pot of boiling water. The more I try to hold down the lid, the more the rumbling, bubbling water wildly churns and fights back, exerting its forceful pressure shaking the pot uncontrollably. However, take the lid off and the steam dissipates, loses its strength and floats up to the heavens.

Transparency. Honesty. Humility.

Recently, an affirmation came to me in one of those wonderful moments of clarity. One of those moments where you feel ‘connected’ and as calm and clear as the still water on a lake.

I am a beautiful, magical child of God that is more than good enough to do anything she desires.

I offer this to you. I offer it to myself.
Namaste.

For me, the moral of this story is that life is all about perception. What the old man thought was a liability (having a crystal shop at the top of a hill) ended up being what made that shop so special. Sometimes we think ‘bad’ things are happening to us or that ‘life is unfair’. However, what we perceive to be a liability often turns out to be the biggest gift. I believe that everything in our lives happens for a reason (even if I forget that sometimes!) and that the lessons we learn along the way contribute to making that beautiful tapestry of ‘who we are’.

So let’s celebrate life. Let’s celebrate who we are! Let’s INHALE LIFE and all it has to offer. The ‘good’, the ‘bad’ and everything in between.

Namaste.